Confusions and Decisions!!

Hah how long has it been since the last time I wrote a blog??

Don’t even remember seems like years. Don’t know what has happened with me in last 1 and a half years it seems as if my whole world has changed. And for all of you who are reading this I think you should be ready with lots of patience because no matter how much I try to keep this blog of my concise, this is rather going to be one of the big ones so sorry in advance!!

It is now been 10 days that I have come back from Delhi after leaving my job at HDFC and yes am home. Today I don’t know why but I am thinking twice as much as I used to when I was back in Delhi. I left my job for a purpose. The top most to be to loose my weight ( for those of you who think it’s a joke pleeeaseee its not) and to go for studies. But something is happening inside me and I am confused, I don’t know what exactly it is but I can’t seem to concentrate anywhere. My best friend motivated me to keep fighting for what I want no matter how much you get down. But today my mind is all messed up I don’t know what to do. My mom’s here and one of my reasons to come back home was to spend some quality time with my family be happy and have a little fun, but as the days are passing it is becoming more and more difficult for me. Not because that I am unable to stay back anymore but because the tension atmosphere from which I wanted to get away from but at home that same atmosphere is present. I understand that my parents are worried about my career and my future and no matter how hard I try to get them off the topic they will bring it up always. Dad will call and will ask “What have you done productive today? “ and than answering him is the most difficult part. Mom will keep on asking the same questions like “Do you actually want to study? For I cannot see you serious about it” I know thay are not wrong and they mean well but why cant they understand that all I need id some time to alear my head and all their questioning as to “What are you planning to do next”, “ when will you start getting serious about your life” is making it worse. When I came I had a fixed plan that I had a fixed plan that for few days I will just give time to calm myself let everything go from inside me and then start a fresh. But the way things are happening it’s just getting worse.

Today i had a bit of an argument with my mother and I realized that for my parents they are not ready to accept that I am a 25 year old guy now and not a 12 year old kid. It’s been 8 years that I have stayed away from family and I am used to living my life freely without any questions asked or any arguments. Gone are the times when I will ask my mom to go out and play or go out for outings or ask for permissions to do anything. I have my own life which is governed by my own self. And I don’t mean this in any wrong way its just that I am a man now and not a child. Now I can take my decisions on my own, think about what’s wrong or right in my own way. Now I need my parents to give me advice and to whom I can go and consult with.

The experience I had in my last 1 and a half year has made me learn a lot. I know I have been through so many ups and downs now in this time that I know now what I have to do. I have made mistakes in this time, taken wrong decisions even lost the girl I loved a lot. But no matter what these are all the things which have made me stronger day by day. Now I have come back to mend the mistakes, to get my life back on the right track where my life is governed by what I do and what I want and not what people or circumstances want me to do. It’s a saying that it does not matter what your past was or what your future will be what matters is how you make your present!!